If Comic Sans Could Talk

This is what it'd say, apparently...

I’M COMIC SANS, ASSHOLE.

BY MIKE LACHER

Listen up. I know the shit you’ve been saying behind my back. You think I’m stupid. You think I’m immature. You think I’m a malformed, pathetic excuse for a font. Well think again, nerdhole, because I’m Comic Sans, and I’m the best thing to happen to typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.

You don’t like that your coworker used me on that note about stealing her yogurt from the break room fridge? You don’t like that I’m all over your sister-in-law’s blog? You don’t like that I’m on the sign for that new Thai place? You think I’m pedestrian and tacky? Guess the fuck what, Picasso. We don’t all have seventy-three weights of stick-up-my-ass Helvetica sitting on our seventeen-inch MacBook Pros. Sorry the entire world can’t all be done in stark Eurotrash Swiss type. Sorry some people like to have fun. Sorry I’m standing in the way of your minimalist Bauhaus-esque fascist snoozefest. Maybe sometime you should take off your black turtleneck, stop compulsively adjusting your Tumblr theme, and lighten the fuck up for once.

People love me. Why? Because I’m fun. I’m the life of the party. I bring levity to any situation. Need to soften the blow of a harsh message about restroom etiquette? SLAM. There I am. Need to spice up the directions to your graduation party? WHAM. There again. Need to convey your fun-loving, approachable nature on your business’ website? SMACK. Like daffodils in motherfucking spring.

When people need to kick back, have fun, and party, I will be there, unlike your pathetic fonts. While Gotham is at the science fair, I’m banging the prom queen behind the woodshop. While Avenir is practicing the clarinet, I’m shredding “Reign In Blood” on my double-necked Stratocaster. While Univers is refilling his allergy prescriptions, I’m racing my tricked-out, nitrous-laden Honda Civic against Tokyo gangsters who’ll kill me if I don’t cross the finish line first. I am a sans serif Superman and my only kryptonite is pretentious buzzkills like you.

It doesn’t even matter what you think. You know why, jagoff? Cause I’m famous. I am on every major operating system since Microsoft fucking Bob. I’m in your signs. I’m in your browsers. I’m in your instant messengers. I’m not just a font. I am a force of motherfucking nature and I will not rest until every uptight armchair typographer cock-hat like you is surrounded by my lovable, comic-book inspired, sans-serif badassery.

Enough of this bullshit. I’m gonna go get hammered with Papyrus.

Found at http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-comic-sans-asshole

Fascinating Funghi: Cordyceps

"This image may look like something dreamed up for a surreal horror movie, but it's a real horror for the tarantula in question. This unfortunate arachnid is infected with Cordyceps, a parasitic fungus that replaces its host's tissue with its own.

Cordyceps fungi invades its hosts (mainly arthropods), and its mycelium eventually replaces the host's tissue. Once the arthropod is dead, cylindrical or branching growths emerge from the creature's dead body. Some species also have mind-control capabilities, convincing the host to travel to a place where the fungus will find optimal growth conditions before the host dies."

- Lauren Davis

It's kind of terrifying and fascinating and (dare I say) beautiful all at once. Here're some more examples of Cordyceps-infected insects:

Chinese Man - Ordinary Man

This bizarre, intriguing and artistic music video seems to be exploring the nature of relationships and their lasting affects on people; plus the song has a really jazzy beat and cool samples. Check it:



More Chinese Man: myspace.com/chinesemanrecords

'Solipsism' - Andrew Huang

I have literally no idea what I just watched but it was crazy beautiful. It was made by an LA-based artist and filmmaker called Andrew Thomas Huang.


SOLIPSIST from Andrew Thomas Huang on Vimeo.

He also did stuff with Björk, which explains a lot:



Keep an eye on his website for more wacky stuff.

InBFlat, MarkerMusic and Thru-You

This is the reason I love StumbleUpon so much. Accidentally finding creative genius.

The following are two interactive video/music projects. You get to play and pause different selections of sound and layer them over one another, and because they're all in the right key they'll sound great however you arrange them! So cool. And the music is beautiful. Give it a go.

www.inbflat.net
www.markermusic.com

It also reminded me of this other guy called Kutiman who mixes a selection of random YouTube videos together to create funky new mash-up songs. Check it out: www.thru-you.com/#/intro/

Incredible Sexy And I Know It cover by Noah Guthrie

Generally consider LMFAO an abomination, perpetuating lad culture and objectification of women via pop music (even if it is in ironic jest, there are far too many people who take it seriously).

However, the following cover is sexy and beautiful and incredible and om nom nom, listen how talented this guy is. Go search his other song. Go. Now.

MY EYES HURT

Wacky moving kaleidoscopes. Click on whichever one takes your fancy and let the acid trip commence... http://darkpsychedelic.ru/

Warning: don't stare too long. Your eyes will hurt.

Which Monopoly Token Are You?

Hilarious article in The Independent about Monopoly pieces and what they say about your personality.

WHAT DOES YOUR CHOICE OF CLASSIC MONOPOLY TOKEN SAY ABOUT YOU?

09 January 2013 02:14 PM

The makers of family-favourite board game Monopoly have announced their intention to retire one of the eight classic monopoly tokens and replace it with either a ring, guitar, robot, helicoptor or cat.

Which one would you be most sorry to see go? And - more importantly - what does your choice of classic Monopoly token reveal about your true personality?

Racing car - Your flashy ways conceal deeply ingrained sexual insecurities, but at least you are always nice to your mother.

Top Hat - You are a power-crazed, egomaniac who wouldn't think twice about screwing over your best-friend for a promotion or parking space. You compensate for these personality flaws with snappy dressing.

Scottie dog - You are a fully-grown woman who habitually speaks in a baby voice, or the downtrodden, long-suffering husband of such a woman.

Iron - You are a hip, young urbanite whose ironic selection of the iron conveys your contempt for bourgeoisie values such as tidiness.

Battleship - You are overweight.

Old boot - You are a working class hero possessed of unusual good looks and great integrity.

Wheelbarrow - You are cheery and good at gardening, but a bit thick.

Thimble - You are always offering unsolicited, yet insightful advice to friends. Unfortunately, your irritating manner and poor personal hygiene means they are unlikely to accept it.

I'm Angry

Interesting piece of contemporary video art / poetry by American YouTube vlogger Bryarly Bishop. Found it to be a hauntingly accurate representation of, for want of a slightly more eloquent phrasing, the modern-age human condition.

Brooke Shaden photography

A friend of mine introduced me to this really innovative, unique photography by artist Brooke Shaden. It's so difficult to describe, but this extract from her bio on her website seems to do it justice:

"Brooke works to create new worlds within her photographic frame. By using painterly techniques as well as the square format, traditional photographic properties are replaced by otherworldly elements. Brooke's photography questions the definition of what it means to be alive."

Check out more of her work here: http://brookeshaden.com/
And her blog here: http://shadenproductions.com/blog/